Speaker 1: Living in America as a black man has never been easy.

And I think it's important considering the times that we're living in now, uh, to be intentional with raising the conversation around the black experiences specifically for a male.

And that is why I thought it was important for us in San Antonio to identify men, uh, from varied backgrounds to share their story.

Speaker 2: It reaches one person.

If it reaches one heart, it changes one mind or makes one person empathetic.

The goal of this project in my opinion is reaching.

Cause that's what we want to do.

One person at a time.

You don't get any comma.

Let me, Speaker 1: When I saw Mr. Floyd's video, it just, uh, brought out a feeling of, uh, just rage and enraged feeling because it's right there on camera.

You have a man that is roughly around my age, my size, my build on the floor face down with the, uh, officer's need, uh, lodged on his neck and he's screaming and crying out.

They say things that I was screaming, cry out.

If I were in his position, I could hear my voice, you know, uh, in the video it was that close.

Speaker 2: I just think about how crazy it is.

Like Joy's Floyd kept screaming that he couldn't breathe.

I'm like if he says he can breathing, do some of those to detain him.

Instead of putting a neon is holding him down the way the cop was.

It's not happening more.

It's just being filmed.

You know, I think my mom at a very early age instilled in me, you know, she would lecture on and on and on out.

She's probably told me millions of times, you know how to treat cops, how to react when so-and-so, when so-and-so happens.

So you can only prepare so much at sometimes.

And sometimes even with all the preparation, it doesn't, it doesn't help life, Liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.

Paul Laurence Dunbar 1900.

Speaker 1: My dad, he was pulled over just like a week ago.

I felt that it was weird because I I'm usually not present if someone pulls him over.

But, um, he taught me to always have your license, registration, your license, your ID, everything right here, like make sure that you're recording and have your hand, your other hand on the steering wheel, where they can see them.

So for that, he didn't even tell me, but I started to record on my iPad while he was talking to the police and a white person wouldn't have to even apologize or tell the person that they're not pulling a gun.

Speaker 2: Most egregious stop I ever had was my wife and I were stopped at a stop sign, go on to Austin.

And a policeman said you were gone 70 miles an hour.

Wait a minute mean for me to go 70 miles an hour in new for you to catch me at the stop sign, that doesn't make a whole lot of sense and lifted the policeman.

After he handed me the ticket, I said, sir, you will find a more respectful person and me.

I said, but you know, and I know that I wasn't going 70 miles and he never said a word, just handed me the ticket.

Of course, he walked up.

I had my, everything on my ribbons, my tie, my crewmen, some coming out of Texas a and M university.

He pulls me over.

Doesn't tell me why he pulled me over, asked me if I was in the military.

And then he let me go.

And then I'm coming from church with my family.

State trooper pulls me over, asked him why he was pulling me over.

He said, well, you are weaving.

And I don't drink.

I don't smoke.

I never have.

I'm more into health.

And fitness was coming from church.

And it was strange because every time I got stopped by the police, I'm being totally honest with you.

I had to show my military ID first, the prejudice against the Negro reverses, the precedence of law and everyone accused is looked on as guilty until he is proven innocent.

Paul Laurence Dunbar 1900.

You don't have to be told that somebody don't like you or somebody will treat you different.

You know, you just got to you.

You just know Speaker 1: My dad is 43 years old.

Um, he, so he's pretty old.

He teaches me that not everyone is the same, but that's okay.

Um, that me and my sister are different from a lot of people, but that shouldn't really affect us.

It could affect them, but that's not our problem.

Um, what they think about us because we shouldn't care.

We should do our own thing and not be scared of what they might say, what they might do, because you're not living a good life.

If what other people say affects how, how you act and how you feel Speaker 2: First and foremost is respect.

We give it and we demand it.

I tell my son to treat everybody with respect.

Worst thing I've ever heard was that you're shit skinned because you have shit skin.

You know what?

There's nothing else to say.

Like, my argument is you have shit skin I've, you know, so, uh, having to articulate and not want to fight or be upset or be mad, but I have to go home and tell your kids, but still pay the mortgage paid bills, be the man that you need to be.

I am the mother of sorrows.

I am the ender of grief.

Paul Laurence Dunbar 1896, my earliest, I guess, moment that it was really thrown in my face that I was different was, um, being in kindergarten.

I was sitting down and as a child, I used to always love watching my mom put on her makeup.

That was one of the things I love to do in the morning.

And so we were sitting in class and I decided I'm going to put red markers on my lips because the person who means the most to me in my life, which is my mom, she does that every morning.

Right?

Of course it was lipstick, but you know, that might have a child.

So as I'm putting the red lipstick on, I can remember my teacher taking and snatching the marker out of my hand.

Um, and quickly saying, you know, boys do not wear color on their faces and the whole class laughing at me.

Um, I didn't know what was wrong because at home I was allowed to do that.

She gave me a Rose and I kissed it and pressed it.

Uh, how my heart glows could I ever have guessed it?

Paul Laurence Dunbar 1899, Even though as a gay person, I'm supposed to be a large, a part of this large family of LGBTQ persons.

I'm still black.

I still have to go into that, knowing that is gay, as we all are, um, that they still have those preconceived notions of black people, whether they're gay or straight, um, they have those prejudices, um, about or against us.

Um, so dealing with that, you know, it's difficult.

I often find, um, in arguments, I tell people I'm black first and then I'm gay.

If that makes sense.

Speaker 1: I went to a TMI here in San Antonio and my definitely my family couldn't afford it.

Uh, I got a grant there and that was really like, um, you know, a social economic shock, uh, just tax bracket that I can identify with.

Um, I did learn a lot about the nicer things in life.

And so it just, just being a natural 14 year old at the time, 15 year old.

And, uh, these, my peers had nicer homes and Lake houses and, you know, and I was a friendly kid.

So yeah, I was often invited on, um, on lots of stuff.

Yeah, absolutely played a string instrument.

Um, and I was also an athlete in high school, I mean, in, in grade school.

And so I feel like I was always in this mix of trying to push back against the stereotype that I feel like black men specifically were always boxed in of like, okay, they're either just an athlete and they're a really good athlete and they're not good at school.

Or they just stick to their own friend groups and they only listened to hip hop music or they, you know, the only, you know, there's these stereotypes, I feel like are only tied to black people, black men in particular, in, in my mind, I was like, well, I like those things, but I don't have to be defined by what other people think of me Speaker 2: Person coming in and not knowing that I was black or sepsis was, was white.

We had been together at Fort hood and she was arrested nurse and Wilson sound.

I'm telling you, we both were getting out of the army at the same time.

So she came up to me one day and said, Harmon, I'd like to work for you.

I said, well, I just go in and practice.

I can't afford to pay an RN.

She's at his paperwork can.

So I probably want a few doctors in San Antonio with an R registered nurse as my nurse, but that's how that transpired.

So they would come in and they would see Evelyn who was white.

And so she proceeded to bring them back to the bag.

And all of a sudden the person would see me and out the task and say, dad's forgotten their purse.

And they needed to go back to the car to get it.

You'd never see them again.

Speaker 1: Know I Speaker 2: Had this one instance of, uh, one of the local family doctors.

They asked me to see one of these patients in the emergency room.

It was an older lady.

She's probably in the nineties.

So I go in and see her.

And then she's partially admitted, but not admitted so much that she still wasn't racist it.

She looks at me and started screaming at the nigga, stole her banana.

Yeah.

You just got to start laughing.

Oh, duties sitting in a recliner.

So we walk in and I don't know, probably 10th house we'd been in that day.

It was after dinner.

And, uh, he looked at me and this dude's having he's in distress.

And he said, son, he said, I'm a Georgia peach had no idea what a Georgia peach meant.

I didn't know what, I didn't know what he's talking about.

He said, son, I'm a Georgia peach.

He said, uh, where I come from Blackstone to Madison and I'm thinking this do sound a fricking heart attack.

And he doesn't want me to treat him because I'm black.

And so my officer's day is Pete Lynch and he's deceased now.

And best captain I ever worked for.

And he said, well, if he's not going to have to take care of you, then neither are we.

And he said, if you want me to call another unit to come take care of you, that's what I'll do.

And uh, so the guy backed off of it.

And um, I ended up taking care of him, but I thought the audacity that you could potentially be on your death bed had the black Faisal walks in here to, um, try to save you.

You don't want that help.

There has not been in the history of this country, risen a single black man whose pretentions have not been sneered at laughed at.

And then lamely wandered down.

Paul Laurence Dunbar 1898.

Speaker 1: There's a, I felt definitely a lot more awkward and out of place at Alamo Heights.

Cause that was one of the few African-Americans there.

One of the, I literally my brother and I walked to school, we lived right off of Broadway.

And so I was walking.

I dropped him off at, um, the elementary school and I went to the middle school.

So it wasn't that far of a walk.

And literally the first, first week we were there, my brother and I were walking again, my brother's in kindergarten, I'm in seventh grade and a pickup truck is speeding by up Broadway.

And next thing you know, we heard the, the truck screech come to a screeching stop.

Two high school kids jumped out of the car and basically said, niggers go home.

And that's the, that's the first, you know, kind of week there.

And my brother and I remember we kind of looked at each other and we started Speaker 2: The laughing on the field.

We're teammates who respect to one another, we would talk to one another, but then once we got off the field, it was a whole different ball game in terms of, um, our relationships expectations of one another, the way we even spoke to one another and words we used when others, it was completely different.

What did that stands out to me is where leaving a game when I was in high school and it was one of the pitcher was driving out in the backseat and then they're just throwing around the word nigger.

Like it was nothing and I'd never really heard of the word I heard it, but I never really understood it, comprehended it, but you know, if a child I heard in songs, but I just thought it was just a rap lyric.

But then when I'm hearing my teammates refer to blacks as niggers, I kind of opened my eyes and I could just get out the car and walk away.

I couldn't just turn off my heat, my ability to hear the word nigga to me, like I said, uh, by definition it means the ignorant person.

I don't take it as being a black person.

Um, but it also goes with how you say it.

So if another race called me a nigger, um, I take it personal.

If they say it with that emotion that I guess hate people today, still judge people by their color.

I remember this, like it was yesterday.

Speaker 1: Me and my friend had been dropped off to enjoy a middle school track, meet at blossom athletics.

Speaker 2: As the, uh, meat came to a conclusion, Speaker 1: My friend got a call from his mother and stated that she was running a bit late.

So we were probably 30 to 45 minutes after everyone had had left.

And it was me, my friend and a police officer.

We were sitting on the curb waiting to get picked up.

So as we're sitting there, uh, the sun begins to set and the officer comes up to us and ask us what we're doing.

And I articulated that we were waiting on my friend's mother to pick us up.

And she was just a few minutes away.

And life really changed in that moment.

Um, I didn't expect this response, but he said you niggers need to go Speaker 2: Home.

And Speaker 1: That was the moment that I realized there was much more to my story that I didn't know Right now, uh, in work and a lot of society right now is going through all these discussions around black lives matter for example, and the struggle that many white people have about understanding black lives matter and feeling like they can't support that because if they do, then they automatically think that you don't support the police.

It's not an either or kind of thing.

I absolutely support the police.

I absolutely support the need for security and safety.

Um, and I don't view black lives matter as this militant organization, I view it more from the eyes of the parents, the moms and the husbands worrying about their kids being killed.

Speaker 2: I was pretty certain that other mothers didn't have to repeat to their son's age, make sure you have a receipt.

Every time you go into the convenience store.

If I send you in for Aaron, you know, whatever, it may be as much as you think you're prepared, uh, there's, it's more intense than what you're prepared for.

And I think every black man can say that, you know, they're like good guidance between mothers, fathers, uncles, older siblings.

And then they try to give you a certain warnings and certain you don't, you know, uh, you don't have to make a mistake to learn from it.

Learn from my mistakes.

I can't trust my people.

I can trust every like every, every race in the world I can trust them.

But some people, every race that you can just can't, you have to be cautious.

I was 11 years old and I made the all-star team.

And typically 11 year olds don't make an all-star team.

And so I made the all-star team, you know, we were celebrating.

And then we got a phone call at home where my mom got off the phone.

And then she came into my room crying saying that I just got cut from the all star team that they put somebody else on there.

And so that was our first conversation of, I was the only black kid there.

So that was our first conversation about race.

Um, I, I never knew I was mixed.

I never really thought about it.

I just kind of hung out with people that I thought were cool, but that was the first time my mother broke down and said, you're black.

And so you being black, you're going to have to deal with certain issues.

And this is your first issue is how to overcome this.

If somebody has a problem with my skin, it's their problem, not mine because I grew up in Catholic school because I had been at Brockport.

Um, I never had a sense of being inferior.

I never had a sense that, um, that there was anything that would be denied me because, because of my color, because of my race, uh, I just, I just grew up believing if you, if you work in the spirit of excellence, if you honored the Lord in your, in your, in your upbringing, that whatever God had for you, you could have, I guess around six I had my best friend was, Speaker 1: You know, so race was new, Speaker 2: Never a problem for me.

I look like I love who I am.

There's no denying that whatsoever.

Um, but I, I think three or four, maybe even five steps ahead before everything I do from the way that I dress from a car drive, where I drive, how I interact with people.

And I've had the ability to, I can change my dialect depending on where I am.

If I'm on a certain part of town and I'm hanging out with certain types of people, I can talk a certain way.

I can go to a boardroom and I can flip the switch and I can annunciate and articulate ideas and over analyze certain subject matters that I wouldn't do.

And another crowd, Speaker 1: I think America today is better in 2020 than it was in the sixties.

And here's why you look at the advancements of black people or non white people in all industries.

There's significant progress that's being made.

Am I suggesting that we have arrived?

Absolutely not.

We still have many miles to go, but I will tell you in this moment in time that we're in that there are still a faction of extremism that exist in America.

And I believe that we are in a period of time that this is proverbially, the last gasp for the racist and the ugliest underbelly of America is rearing itself.

And I think that there is a real fight for the soul of this country.

It needs to be said, and for me to continue to, to, uh, hold these things in, without being able to express them is not good.

And I wonder how many black men in America feel like I feel, and can't even say anything about it.

Like, don't say anything about it.

I'm sure a lot of things happen mentally them that they can't even explain because they're not able to express themselves in any way, shape or form.

I think that we have to have a cultural transformation in order to do that.

It has to be heartfelt, um, heartfelt cultural transformation.

There's gotta be, um, because there's a feeling of systemic racism within the country.

And so in order to fix that, you have to have a cultural transformation in my view, as a result of the internet and social media, um, that allows for things to be more visible.

Um, and then I think people are, are more adamant and more intentional about addressing these kinds of distinctions and, and people being treated for reasons that I really are nonsensical.

You know, so I don't think things are digressing.

I think things are being more honest.

Um, and when things are being and when people, the problem with honesty is that it calls people out.

And when people feel called out, they feel threatened.

There's something going on in that process of why they're not more people in leadership positions and you can't.

And unless you're telling me that just white males are so much stronger and better and smarter than everyone else, then that's a different conversation.

But no, one's been able to convince me of that.

So there's a lot of work that needs to be done, and we have to work together, white, Hispanic, Asian, black, we need to come together and just say, this is the right thing to do.

That's probably the biggest thing that I can think of that one person can do for another is to believe in you sometimes when you don't necessarily believe in yourself, that is, that is the most fueling elevating experience to have, because it helps you, it helps you to grow and, and, uh, and, and expand opportunity.

So, uh, plenty of people have done that for me from the time I was, you know, my son's age to, to today.

And I'm really grateful to everybody.

Who's, uh, you know, giving me the scores of opportunities to do cool things and be around cool people and be a part of cool, cool project.